Q: I’m a white cis het woman and a social justice advocate. More and more I feel that I can never “win” with black women. I’ve been told so much that I just need to listen but I don’t think ignoring my own trauma and disenfranchisement as a woman means nothing. I do have privilege and I donate money and buy from black businesses. I don’t want to lose friends I value but I’m offended by the constant hate. We need to work together. The Women’s March showed that!


A: imuqnp96sdhye


okay so first off….

This isn’t a question. You literally didn’t ask PB anything. This is a statement and one I hope I can respond to with swift and exact revenge. You deserve as much for being in this inbox as messy and packed up as you are.


Why Are Y’all Like This?

An all too common narrative from white women like you, is that you deserve accolades for effort. Even the most miniscule amount of effort, you deserve to be othered as a special good white ally and friend. Head and shoulders above the rest, privileged even in your shortcomings and difficulties, well meaning and completely misinformed about what solidarity looks like in practice.
We’ve told you to unpack

You demanded free education

We’ve told you to PAY US

You exploit our oppression for Etsy income

We’ve told you to teach yourselves and be held accountable

You plagiarize our words and our theories for personal gain

And then you want to be friends like this isn’t problematic as fuck for humanity. Instead you question our morality for not treating you nicely….. For real?



You can never please those you oppress. You are part of a legacy that goes beyond your physical form. You existing, by default, is oppressive under these systemic inequalities. Down to the DNA, black people have inescapable trauma and the counterpoint is that you, white girl, have inescapable responsibility.


WOC Marched For Their Humanity

Do white people realize that while they are “learning and listening” they may still offend or deserve being cut off from us? Is it so hard to understand that you may not be liked by EVERY black person you know (which statistically is a low number if not non existent). Is it so shocking that we are often fearful of even being around white women because of their passive and micro aggressive violence against black and brown women?

The women’s march was a diverse marketing success

Last Saturday was a marketing masterpiece for the Women’s March. Pictures, digital flyers and videos depicting  diversity aside, the show was run in a white centered fashion from city to city. Much like the Pantsuit Nation debacle, black and brown women aiming to center the most marginalized were met with aggressive opposition unless it was adhering to the rules respectability many WOC in the activism sector know all too well.


White Women Marched For Their Pussies

We saw white women march around the country, centering and normalizing a very specific femme experience. Accounts on social media flooded in about heckling and denial of responsibility for so many of the issues white feminism leaves behind or back burnered.  Inclusivity at this march meant “diversity” of comfortable topics and allowing space for respectable non violent protest.

black and indigenous activists, hurt and angered, took to social media post-March

Some of the behavior at this protest was down right embarrassing and condescending to the seriousness of such a march. Lest we forget the high fives to law enforcement, appropriative and culturally eradicating use of social justice terminology and African American vernacular and bright pink pussy hats, Our organs are not what bind us, idiots. They are a commonality we may or may not share in our identity as womxn. This was such a commercial and marketing success of maintaining status quo type shenanigans and many co signed it completely oblivious to how hurtful and exclusionary it really was.

Black and browns who did show up…transgender people and everyone under the umbrella of LGBTQI were present… on the margins in numerous cities and damn near left out of the picture in others. This march was never about feminist inclusivity or coming together for a common goal. White women wanted to save face post election, post on IG and show out with epic performative activism. Something I believe you, white girl….. deserve an award for.


Sometimes You Can’t Sit With Us

By reclaiming our black identity and declaring such a radical action, black femmes are not even purposely hating on white people but the institutions you won’t relinquish. You don’t want things to change too much. A redistribution of privilege, totally means your comfort is trash, but it’s hard to come to terms with that, I’m sure. Especially when you aren’t required by society to settle or accept defeat.



Reclaiming identities we previously were denied is about US not YOU. You may not be invited but can you hold some damn space with your “privilege” by respectfully stepping back or away from people. People learning how to be themselves under new boundaries. People who may not want you to “win” them.

Don’t come in this DM again talking about how you can’t “win” my people. The fuck is you?


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