The same thing that draws me from most types of spirituality is also what makes me not pick a team politically: I’m not of a movement per se.
Personal politics don’t allow most delves into “joining up” to end well. I fight for my own liberation and understand that me is more than this body – all the identifiers that add up to who I am matter and so the fight for all the people that I feel in myself and those before that is infused into my very being.

Ancestors guided me this far and led me to be able to live in this skin relatively comfortably considering all the different pieces of me that aren’t loved by all. I’m what is considered multimarginalized, to the extent that my career is a form of an experiment to some. On display, I need protection and they provide it; teaching me to build mental barriers being the most vital to my functioning in public.

In many ways they help me, but the most common being sets of feelings – dreams awake, not daydreaming or a full out of body experience but somewhere between; convinced it was delirium – single parenting small children with too many jobs so I expect no less. But it kept happening and it serves as a form of regeneration I guess. Because I connect and come back knowing each time. Work is a way that I avoid dealing with feeling. Repression is easy for me – great in fact, comforting. In the state that I get in my body cannot repress. It’s honest living, at times drawn to tears, the closest physical touch being a hug but that could never be a worthy comparison for the raw stirring that occurs. During this time, I learned that intergenerational trauma is real. Living the pain of another, flashing back to the moments where it came from, it changed me.

Feeling the cord connect to my children is stirring up a mix of emotions with pride and determination being the ones I choose to pursue. My children have it too – the elder being an empath and the younger having a grasp already on what plants are and aren’t safe for play. Watching these traits develop in them, in some ways indicating that their disposition may be more naturally inclined than even mine, makes me have to live a certain way.
I know things too; led to the market most often, kitchen healing arts are a focus. Before understanding that all aren’t like this, the impression was that when walking around, items called to every one of us.
So now the time is coming to raise the next generation into whole and healthy people; the way that I parent, my personal politics, my whole life is wrapped up in paying respect to my ancestors directly and those in a general sense that come from people who I see me in worldwide.

That causes contention in most circles that so far I have encountered, and coupled with my flagrant disrespect of respectability politics leads to me not having a place at any table I haven’t set my damn self.
Embracing this public solitude is leading me to a mobile lifestyle. Already led to unschooling and attachment parenting – although all these words had never been strung together until about as recently to me that I found out that people refer to being shoeless as “grounding.”
These concepts aren’t foreign to me, in my blood they exist, but naming them and building communities of strangers around the idea of naming what once were just considered the rhythms of life is only a few years old.
Currently, my career has me jumping into one world to play to help get the things that the communities I try to serve need.

In doing so, little workings have become a part of my fashion.
The smells on me are oils crafted for the feelings anticipated – maybe for anxiety or depression, always for protection and blessing of the people that need it, main focus on my children and self.
Crafting a collection of what feels necessary is a hobby in itself now that ties into long term shifts of career. Healing is what I am destined to do and what is being built now through my nonprofit will allow large scale for me to make it happen! Even that, I don’t know that. There isn’t a notebook somewhere filled with my ideas that have been carefully crafted for years.
They’re in my heart – that’s all I need.

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