By this point, anyone who hasn’t been sleeping under a rock has heard of and maybe even read comedian/actor/game show host Steve Harvey’s much debated and polarizing relationship guide, “Think Like a Man”. In the marriage manual targeting single women in their mid-20s and up, the reader gets the unique experience of being told what men want and how they can alter themselves to keep a man and ensnare a husband by a man who has been married three times and has admittedly cheated on his first two wives. Oh, joy.

Don’t you ever wish that some of these male relationship gurus would target men for a change? Tell them how to be better partners? Or better yet, don’t you wish there was a dating book written by a woman, for women? One that didn’t just assume that we all want to be married as soon as possible, or at all? Well, there is. In “Date Like a Woman” by Kai Nicole, we aren’t fed formulaic platitudes about how the perfect dress, submissive attitude, haircut, and rules regarding sex will lead to matrimony. We are instead guided through the landmine that is modern-day dating by a seasoned pro who wants nothing more than for women everywhere to stop having horrible dating experiences.

Though a bit redundant at times, not to mention wholly cishet-centric, as well as exclusive of sex workers (i.e. escorts, sugar babies, etc), “Date Like a Woman” goes through all of the typical mistakes women make in dating, from unrealistic expectations to being too available, gives practical advice on how to present your best self, and rather than try to mold you into being some man’s perfect woman, takes a tactical, real world approach into meeting men with whom you are compatible, and simply enjoying the experience of dating, without the stress.

“Date Like a Woman”, while it is often self-centric on the author’s part (i.e. I did it, you can do it, too, I’ve never had that experience, etc.), and a bit permissive of some complaints of men, does a fantastic job of pointing out some dating and personality red flags that women absolutely cannot afford to ignore, and encourages women to take heed and jump ship early at the first sign of of abusive behaviour. This alone makes the book well worth reading it, in my opinion. Too often, women are told by men and women alike to ignore or work through the abusive behaviour patterns of their partners, or counseled on how they can change themselves in order to make their men behave better.

“If a man makes you uncomfortable, stop dating him.”

Kai Nicole lays out various abusive and manipulative behaviours and makes it clear that there are other men in the sea, and absolutely no reason to work on a single man who won’t do right; this isn’t Build-A-Man workshop, and even if it were, you’re not getting paid to do that work. Gems like “When you first start dating a man , you are not dating him, you are dating… a man on his ‘best’ behavior until he is comfortable enough to show his ‘true’ self,” and “If a man makes you uncomfortable, stop dating him,” are some bits of advice that many of us are already well aware of but have thus far failed to internalize and need to have reinforced in order curb any delusional, self-destructive patterns of trying to change a partner.

In reading this book, I was vividly, uncomfortably reminded of just how many men have built entire careers in telling women how to date, how to “catch a man”, ho to land a husband. Books, seminars, workshops, lectures. All of these men with the self-professed “answer, who had the gall to think that their patriarchal and/or faux feminist views of sex and relationships are gospel, is exactly why books like “Date Like a Woman” and writers like Kai Nicole are so necessary. Dating can be done right, done enjoyably, and done on our terms, and Kai Nicole explains exactly how. Everything from how to be more approachable, to flirting via text and how to approach a first date are laid out simply.

“Date Like a Woman” is exactly what the title says, a book on how to date. It is not a marriage guide and Kai Nicole doesn’t pretend to be a relationship counselor or marriage guru. She is merely a woman with some great, practical advice and relevant experience to share. You may or may not find the love of your life, but the book makes it clear that there are many people with which you can find yourself compatible. Stop looking for “the one”, and enjoy dating the many. Her advice exists not to pressure, but to help cishet women make the most out of dating and relish, rather than dread, the experience. I give this one 3.75 stars.

If you’re interested in reading “Date Like a Woman” for yourself, check out Kai Nicole’s site,, and use the coupon code “#rgold” for $2 your purchase (free shipping)!

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Emelyne Museaux is a freelance writer and intersectional Black feminist. She’s pro-Black, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-sex worker, pro-fat, pro-femme and any and all intersectionals of these. When she’s not typing her oh-so-relevant thoughts about Black pop culture both foreign and domestic, writing about herself in the third person, and trying to survive cishet White supremacist capitalist imperialism, Emelyne can be found reading, cooking, eating, and her favourite hobby, sleeping. Stay woke!
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